Many years of past I don't know if I have reflected as much as this one now. We do daily, the routine in analyzing, reflecting and nourishing our bodies for the betterment of tomorrow however there is this thing about starting "anew" in the bright eyes of a new year. And I am leaping so far into 2015 eager to leave this one.
I have heard someone say they "do not understand why people intentionally put out changes for the new year and why we don't honor this change within ourselves daily." In juxtapositions of life this would be fantastic. In the realm of happiness and everything happening the way you have it planned would be beautiful. However, lives entwine so fully together like tentacles you cannot shake. So deep rooted are problems and the a-ha's of realization on making yourself a better version of yourself, is helped by the starting over in a new year for a new cycle of hope and change.
I am one of these people, I love beginnings and the opportunities it releases those who feel that they do not have this option throughout the year.
This year was full for me. My ideas of how my life was to manifest were taking a different turn to which I had never planned, or was blind to see all together. I conditioned myself entirely to my surroundings, keeping my head straight knowing that there is always that 'answer' or always that change that will come to help me see why I was the person to whom I have become... but it never came.
I upped and left my job, left my home and left someone who meant a lot to me. These versions of me felt like I was stuck against the grain of the floor, inside this life I felt so comfortable in... I shook it loose and seeing the ink spread throughout the water I quickly became covered in it's black tentacles and I saw a ghost of me in the empty place I used to host as me... as my life.
I moved back to where I grew up, Las Vegas, a place I told everyone and myself over and over again I would never do. And here I was, crossing the desert with the eyes of hope for a change like a child waiting for the exam, it came and I took the test. I emptied what I thought I knew to dive deep into the unknown for the growth of myself. To heed passion and drive into a daily life of learning more on what I am, who I am and what I am offering into this World.
I have always seen this life as a "do just don't sit and do it with passion," sort of way. I have been told many of times I touch others lives in a way that brings in a life, a light, where my abundance of laughter and love is refreshing. I love this about me. I moved with this in mind to figure out how to best place my love for humanity, my open heart for change and to pursue a better Ashley.
I had this moment when I woke up today that I needed to write to open myself up for others to get to know me and I still find it hard to describe fully but to talk in verse. It isn't the person(s) or the times or the places that matter, no, it's the upheaval of what you decide to take with you because if I don't understand what I am taking with me (metaphysically, physically...) than I am continuing the same life and offering the same person to new relationships, to new days.